Friday, May 28, 2010

The Night is Darkest Before the Dawn...

I can clearly remember the first time I saw The Dark Knight with the amazing Christian Bale.
I took my husband ou for his 30th Bday and we went to the very first showing in Spokane at 12am! It was amazing and we had such a great time, and yes I had a bit of a crush growing up on Mr. Bale dating all the way back to Little Women where I felt I had more in common with Joe March than I did with my own sister at times.

Back to Dark Knight, I have been hearing these words over and over again in mind and thinking they seem more true everytime I hear them. Iam not a superhero running around to save a city from itself. I am not celeb getting paid millions to read and preform amazing stories and have a dream job of being someone different every time they work. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, and employee. My life is complicated and messy and many things I attempt often fail.
I have been through hell the last few weeks and feel as if at times been turned inside out with all the emotion I have felt. I cannot speak of the matters in dealings with situations. I feel as if times I can barely pull myself up and do what needs to be done. It seems that the last few posts have been a bit drab due to the overwhelming emotions that have surfaced.

However I am stronger than I have ever realized and my life will in fact go on and I am capable of anything. Some how even through all the stuff this last few weeks, I've yet to miss a day of work and manage to keep it mostly together. I did have to apologise twice to my children for throwing a fit on two different occasions; I work so hard to make them act a certain way and I cannot control myself at times. I wonder where my children get it from-must be their father! I realize now it's not how I want them to act but how they are to make choices and to let their little hearts be open to guidance and graciousness; not act like a robot. I am amazed at how well they have responded to me showing them that I need forgiveness as well for my behavior too. They have yet to grow up and they still love and forgive me in all my imperfections; this is why I cannot stay in a state of defeat. These little children inspire me to be more and they need me to inspire them.

So no matter the hell my husband I are facing, the Dawn will come and we look back and see what has made us stronger and prepared us for the night that is yet to come. Each instance in our lives are there for a reason. We can learn from so many instances in our lives. It will make you or break you is a true statement, so is there is a silver lining, and my favorite, the Night is darkest Before the Dawn. I don't know what lies a head in our future, and I will look forward to it with the hands of my husband and children holding mine. No man is alone in this world, no one can make you do anything you don't want to do; but many times it is wise to do those things, because you can go on in your lives if you use the tools you have been given and remember what is truly important. My night is has not reached dawn, and I look forward to the morning light to warm my weary eyes. With love and prayer I will wak through the night carefully guiding the footsteps of children behind me.


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