That seems to be my lot in life; as if it’s something bad. To say living and those living around me is something to deal with rather than a life to live.
As you can see, that yes, it has been awhile since I have last posted.
We seem to have this revolving door of icky germs that gets passed along to every family member. I was down two weeks literally, and due to that, had an extreme amount of homework. Then it began visiting children and has finally caught up with James. He is not enjoying it either but is trudging through it only missing a day or two of class. The cold season hit right about the time we stopped sleeping and began studying. The kiddos have battled it off and on, and it has made missing class an art-form for me.
Since then, I have been playing catch up on studies and finally am able to breather now that midterms are over. Then, after finally getting organized and loving it, it all fell apart after me being out of it and then doing nothing but homework. Yet another thing to feel defeated about it seemed. I again have had a restless feeling grow within me and I feel the urge to want to “be free” of all my duties and obligations. On top of everything, my training and exercising has gone completely out the window because “I didn’t have time” to get it accomplished.
Then I realized that all this “stuff” of getting in the way of me living, was in fact me living. Things are not always going to work out the way we want, but it shouldn’t stop us from doing what it is we truly want-to live. Life is too short and can change in an instant. We cannot wait to accomplish anything because life will not wait for us. I’ve asked and it didn’t even respond. Rude I know, but it is how the world works.
Everyone gets sick, and as horrible as it is for you to get sick, it’s not fun for the kiddos either. So next time I won’t dred picking up the phone knowing it’s the school; instead I’ll try to be more intune with my kiddos needs, and be glad it’s nothing more than a bad cold or the flu, instead of a life-long disease.
I will have everyone pitch in and make sure we all do our chores; I know, easier said than done. I truly believe that I rest so much better and my family is so much happier when things are in order and the chaos is not running our lives. Our hands are not broken, nor the ability to communicate that something should be done.
Oh yes, the “I don’t have time” to take care of myself. By not making the time, it has intruded upon my everythought. How many more pictures will I not be in because of my weight? How much fun am I missing out on with my kiddos because I cannot keep with them? Too many if you ask me, and it’s sad to say I’m not the only person who has felt this way too.
So here is where I’m at now, mid March. I’m pursuing my Sound Engineering Certifcation at school first now. Watching Maroon5 do their live session, and getting my feet wet with this first class, has really grown the desire to be more involved in my first love; music. I will still pursue writing and politics, but I want to see where this path will lead.
I am also going to try and be more understanding and content with my family. Sometimes I forget that I’m not babysitting, but that these are my children. I need to be more tender to not making sure their needs are met-but their dreams are met too. I take for granted their love and forgivness in me, sadly I feel as adults we get too busy in our own lives to remember what it was like when we were in their shoes. I wonder how diffrently we would parent.
I also am going to stick with my plan and focus on taking care of me. If I am not healthy how can I properly set an example for my children? No you have to eat healthy and go outside and be active, but not Mommy, I’m too busy; yah right….I’m too lazy more like it.
So I’m at another crossroad of balance and realizing that life happens. With that I need to balance what it is that I do and feel. The reality is there is time to work and a time to play. So that when Life Happens we can breathe that much easier and roll with whatever comes are way.
Nothing tastes better than skinny I hear, and let me add that nothing feels better that balance and harmony.