As I have gotten older, the meaning of Valentines Day have changed for me and what I thought was the ideal day....
As many of you know, my anniversary is only about 1 1/2 weeks before V-Day. So as we've been married, we've always combined it; doing just a card or flower at best. I've never been offended or hurt. James has always spoiled me when it comes to our Anniversary-so it's always made up for it.
When I was single, I always thought that the most romantic V-Day would be, an overpriced dinner, cards, balloons, flowers, the works. As we were dating, that was fun and"romantic". As time went on, I enjoyed the intimacy of a dinner before the big day and all the thought that went into. Now, 9 yrs later, it's changed somehow.
Today started as any other Sunday morning. We got up and started getting ready for church, and excited to wear my new outfit my hubby got me for our Anniversary. Then Ethan walked in and being startled, I snapped at him and told to go to his room and not come in unless he knocked. Well, then my heart broke, even though I was less than modest-to put it nicely. My husband went into his room to speak with him, and he said he was going to throw-up. He never says that-unless it's true. It was like a dagger to my heart; here this poor little guy felt like crud and mommy snapped at him....Kill me now please. Then we sat there and debated weather it be so, and when he came in to take a temp., he said mommyyy.....
Well, thankfully we have our own bathroom. He made it ok, and the debate was over. He was sick. I know as a mother, you're to take anything thrown at you and be made of steel. I don't work that way; not since I vomited for 22 weeks straight with James, then Megan, then Ethan....I no longer can calmly watch people get sick...I get sick. (Oddly enough, I love to see open wounds and can't get enough surgery videos- weird I know.) So my husband and I stayed home and had a day with the kiddos again. (We have been snow bound for the last week or longer due to snow in the DC area.) We gave the kiddos their candies and they loved them. Then I got to go back to sleep for awhile. The kiddos went and watched tv for a bit, and Ethan got sick a few more times, so it was a bit rough this morning. Well, James had to go to Kohl's for a bit, and he came home and sat on the bed next to me. He then handed me fav coffee and a single long stem rose. This after he got me roses two days before and we've yet to leave town to celebrate our Anniversary! He then showed me the flower he got Megan and called her in. The look on her face was priceless...She got flowers like a big girls; from Daddy! It was beautiful! Then jumped up and down and ran around the house like the boys! LOL! Such a tomboy-I'm a proud mama. Ethan slowly felt better and hasn't had any more inkiness since this morning. He ate regular food tonight and seems to be fine as if nothing happened.
All we did today was straigthen up a little and I made dinner. Just laid back and relaxed. No fancy clothes, busy restaurants, or over marketed Valentine's presents. Just us, having a normal day. Well, minus the sick child. That's a first in months.
I think as I have gotten older, I appreciate things in a different way now. Don't get me wrong, I do expect a nice dinner and some sort of alone time on our Anniversary/V-Day. However, this year was just perfect. We didn't need a whole lot, especially since things have been so tight with his job situation. God really blessed our lives bringing us together in our imperfect way. We talked for hours last night after watching 17 Again, out of all things! We wondered if we could have a fresh start or go back- would we-? Then we concluded that we'd stay together. We then talked about the idea of having the chance to wait to have kiddos-(the same ones-just later). We loved the idea of being able to take up and leave and go out and party with friends, explore DC on whim, or live anywhere in the world. The freedom of not being tied down. We still somehow stay the same. It has made us who we are and shaped the way view our ideas and goals as a family.
For those of you who don't know, James and I dated nearly two years before we were married. One was in my Sr yr. of Sr high. The rest of the time, while I was saving for college. However, being the hormonal young people we were and not having been guided properly by our parents; we had unprotected relations and thus I was prego at 19 with my James. I was scared and panicked and very sick most of the time. We got married very young, 19 and 21, and started our family. We had many struggles and issues to deal with. Some I'm just getting dealt with now 9 yrs later. I still wouldn't have changed my husband or my children. As much as I would love to run and be the free-spirit that I am; I choose them. It's hard sometimes, but love has been showed to me in a different way now. I'm still making mistakes and fail so many times as a parent. However, my husband is there and we try again the next day; and somehow we get through it, and before you know it, time has flown and I now have a 9 yr old this summer. I don't know where the time has gone, and wish in so many ways to go back and fix things. But, children somehow still love me everyday and my husband comes home and kisses me as soon as he puts his text books down. He still loves me in the night when I've gained weight, lost it, gained it back, cut my hair, dyed it red, and then Blondie, then brown...I am blessed with the love that has been bestowed upon me, and I can't believe these little ones are mine!
This year has been a great V-Day for me, and I can't wait for next yr, and look forward to all the years I have left with these little ones and the small lessons they will teach me like today. Love isn't a box of candy, flowers, or a dinner. It's the scared voice of a baby crying in the dark, a 6yr old who can't understand why it hurts his tummy to throw-up, a 9 year-old who forgives his mother when she's "busy" and still comes back to show a colored paper, my 2nd grader who bosses her little brother around trying to be his mommy. Love are their faces looking at you and watching what to do next and loving you anyways when you fail. When sometimes the only family time you get is watching Smallville with Daddy. God blessed me with a man who loves no matter what, and children who I wouldn't trade for the world.
God help us the day we forget what is truly important in our lives.